Why I moved on from Gatsby to Tom....

Moving on? I wouldn't exactly call it moving on, but I tried to get my mind off of Gatsby. Tom was the next best thing to Gatsby and I could have him. Who wouldn't take that over nothing? Tom was a good guy, so I thought, and Gatsby is gone. Without Gatsby, I was lost. Yes, I'll admit, I am dependent on the men in my life. So what? I like my men to be a big part of my life and they provide for me so why not. Tom filled that role while Gatsby was away. Yes, he wasn't quite like Gatsby. Actually, he was completely different from Gatsby. Jay is mysterious, charming, and loving, while Tom is serious, rough, and money-oriented. Gatsby had money, but so did Tom. Tom made sure everyone knew he had money, too. Gatsby is a little more quiet than Tom. Going from Gatsby to tom was a big difference for me. I don't know which man suited me more. I knew I needed to move on from Jay though, because a girl can't sit there and wait for a man that might never come back...

What I was feeling when Nick came to my house...

Oh, Nick visiting was such a wonderful moment! I had missed him dearly and couldn't wait to see him again. He and I have a certain connection that not many other cousins do. I mean, of course, we are second cousins once removed, but we are siblings at heart to me. He knows what I am thinking and he knows me like the back of his hand. Surely, he knew Tom too, but he had no interest in him. With Tom being the big shot in the group, Nick clung to me and made sure that I was always okay before he even thought about Tom. Family love ran deep between us and we knew we could always turn to one another. I trusted Nick very well and knew that I could always count on him. He had never disappointed me, unlike the other men in my life. Everyone else at some point had abandoned me or left me. Not Nick though, he was always present. Him coming back to see me after time apart made me feel at peace and like I was being protected and looked out for. He brought out a good side in me and I'm so grateful that he has come back into my life..

What I was thinking when I was waiting for Gatsby...

While Jay was away at war, well I was a mess. I didn't know what to do with myself and didn't belong anywhere. My true love had just gone away to war, what was I supposed to do? He told me he would be back for me. I knew as soon as he came back, he'd be running after me. I tried to wait, I really did. Being alone kept me thinking about if he was ever really going to come back. It had me thinking that maybe I shouldn't be waiting for him. What if he never came back? What would I do then? If he didn't come back, I don't know what I'd do without him. While he was away, I thought that I might as well find someone else. If it kept my mind off of Gatsby, I wouldn't care. Of course, when he came back he surely cared. I was thinking about myself, though. I was thinking that he would never come back! I thought about wasting my time waiting on him when another man could be waiting on me. Could I do that to Gatsby? I knew I wanted to be with him, but waiting on a war to end meant not knowing when he'd come home. Thinking about him made me want to wait, but thinking about myself made me want to move on with my life....

Why I left town after running over Myrtle...

After hitting Myrtle with the car, I was completely not myself. I didn't know what had just happened and I knew that what did just happen had changed my life forever. Yes, she did run out into the street, but I still never stopped. People can never look at me the same. I will always be the girl who killed my husband's mistress with my old lover's car. What am I supposed to tell my child when she grows up and hears about her mother running someone over? Then I would have to explain the entire situation to her. No mother wants to explain their bad past to their daughter. Moving away seemed like the best idea. Maybe Tom influenced me a little bit, but I needed it. If I didn't leave, it would haunt me every single day. Yes, it would still haunt me after we left town, but not so frequently. I wouldn't think of it every time I drove past a certain spot because that spot was miles away now. Now, I could rebuild my life. It can now be the way I wanted it to be. I couldn't live that life with a murder always lingering in the background. Leaving town meant leaving everything behind. It meant starting fresh and no one knowing my story. It meant no one even knowing where I came from. It meant no past events coming back to get me and ruin everything. Moving away let me live. It allowed me to give my daughter a normal life without her mom being a murderer. Leaving town was the best decision I made, at least, I hope.

What I was feeling when Tom and Gatsby were together...

When Tom and Gatsby were together, well that was a little weird. Imagine having the two men you've loved in your life in the same room at the same time. They both knew exactly what was going on and things were just awkward. I felt like I was in the middle of a war zone and we were waiting for bombs to go off. I knew that I loved them both at some point in my life. I was quite sure who I loved at that moment though. I felt torn between the two because I have had different feelings with both of them. My connection with Gatsby trumped Tom at some times, but at other times my love for Tom exceeded Gatsby.It was a battlefield in my heart. I couldn't tell which one I loved more, but it was certain that I loved them both. My heart yearned to be with my first true love Gatsby after he had left for the war. We missed so much precious time together and needed to get back to where we were. My love for him was evident and even Tom could see it. And that made Tom furious. I couldn't have Tom angry though because I loved him too. He fathered my child and loved me while Gatsby was gone. Was he just a rebound though? Was I really in love with him, or was I just missing Gatsby? My heart and mind were completely confused and going a mile a minute. Love was a feeling with a completely different meaning when you switched from Tom to Gatsby. With one man, I felt this feeling. With the other man, I felt that feeling. How was I supposed to choose? This awkward and troubling feeling inside of me was not helping at all in settling the evident conflict between Tom and Gatsby.

What was I thinking when I was reunited with Gatsby...

When I finally saw Gatsby again, I was befuddled. I hadn't seen him in years and I had simply moved on with my life. But when I saw him, I forgot about everything that had happened since he left for war. I automatically started thinking of the times that we were together and when we fell in love with one another. Our love story was like any other, but we saw it differently. We thought that we were unique and that our connection was deep. Once he left, I didn't know what to do with my life. Meeting Tom was the right thing for me because it got my mind off of Gatsby and onto my next step in life. Gatsby's return into my life made my head spin though. I didn't know what to do and I knew I still loved him. We just had drifted apart due to his departure. We both knew that we were still in love. When we saw each other, I was thinking about all of our history and how things had changed so much. Since he had left, my life was completely different and new. His life was probably this way, also, since we hadn't seen each other in so long. At least, I hope his life was different. I couldn't stand to wait so long thinking about a past lover. We may have been more than just a past lover to one another, but that is the way that Tom and other people viewed us. They all thought we were over and done with. Once we were together again, Gatsby and I were thinking differently, though. I was thinking about how I still had feelings for him even though I am a married woman with a child of my own. Why did I still think I loved this man? It was because I was still in love with him. I wasn't just feeling it now. I was thinking about it again. I was thinking about him and my love for him.